The video everybody in a relationship wants to observe


This video exhibits how seemingly loving relationships can turn into one thing extra sinister – and police need everybody to observe it.

It options the story of Jamie and Emma’s relationship, and highlights the pink flags of coercive management and emotional abuse everybody wants to concentrate on.

Within the video, Emma meets and begins a relationship with “assured, romantic” Jamie, who tells her how he’d “by no means felt like this about anybody earlier than”.

However Emma notes how Jamie would “need (her) all to himself” and he more and more needed to spend “each minute collectively”.

The video, Don’t Disappear, was launched on Tuesday, November 5 by the Victims First, which helps victims of crime and abuse in Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire to boost consciousness of abusive relationships and coercive management.

What’s coercive management?

The video has been launched by Victims First

Coercive management has been a prison offence since 2015, and includes an act or a sample of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or different abuse by a perpetrator that’s used to hurt, punish or frighten their sufferer.

It could possibly have an effect on anybody no matter gender or sexuality.

Whereas the story instructed within the video is fictional, the message is all too acquainted for victims of coercive controlling relationships.

The Home Violence Disclosure Scheme – higher often called Clare’s Legislation – provides individuals the suitable to ask police whether or not their associate has a historical past of home violence or violent acts.

It additionally provides authorities the facility to resolve that somebody who didn’t ask has the suitable to know, within the hope it could defend them from an abusive scenario earlier than it ends in tragedy.

Recognized formally because the Home Violence Disclosure Scheme, Clare’s Legislation got here into being after the horrific killing of mum Clare Wooden in 2009.

The 36-year-old met George Appleton by means of Fb, earlier than he went on to strangle her and set her physique on hearth in Salford.

“I used to be typically made to responsible for seeing family and friends”

One sufferer, who didn’t wish to be named, stated: “I really feel like I used to be typically made to really feel unhealthy about myself, responsible for having me time, seeing family and friends and never spending high quality time collectively.

“I by no means felt my case was that unhealthy however the injury I really feel it has brought on is rather more than I realised initially and I believe it should take a very long time to recuperate from.”

Learn Extra

Right this moment’s high tales on BerkshireLive

“I did not really feel abused on the time”

One other girl, who didn’t wish to be named, stated: “He known as me a s**g and instructed me I flirted with individuals if I spoke to them. He would cease me seeing associates and didn’t need me to socialize with out him in any respect.

“He would verbally abuse me to have intercourse with him if I did not wish to. He hit me, spat at me and intimidated me.

“He stalked me when the connection ended and threatened to kill himself if the connection didn’t resume.

“I did not really feel abused on the time. I simply thought he had some ‘anger points’ and ultimately I simply didn’t have any love left for him.

“Simply because they’ve some good qualities or some redeeming methods of being that it doesn’t imply you are not being abused or the connection is not abusive.”

The indicators of coercive management

Video Loading

Video Unavailable

Click on to play
Faucet to play

The video will begin in eightCancel

Play now

Indicators of coercive management displayed within the video embrace:

Jealousy and possessiveness together with accusations of flirting and dishonest Isolation from household and associates Controlling use of cellphone and social media Consistently checking on whereabouts Sudden outbursts of anger and temper adjustments Love bombing – showering her with extreme affection and a focus with the intention to retain management

Learn Extra


Different examples of coercive management embrace:

Depriving somebody of fundamental wants Monitoring their time and actions Taking management over facets of their on a regular basis life equivalent to the place they’ll go or who they’ll see Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising somebody Controlling their funds and making threats Intimidating behaviour

How widespread are coercive controlling relationships?

A 2019 survey revealed the surprising extent of coercive controlling relationships in Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire.

A 3rd of the 670 individuals who responded to the survey stated they’d been in a couple of abusive relationship, and had stated the abusive relationship started after they had been below the age of 25.

In regards to the marketing campaign

The Don’t Disappear marketing campaign follows on from the ‘Know It Isn’t Love’ marketing campaign launched in February this 12 months.

It’s significantly aimed toward youthful individuals who might have much less expertise of relationships, or individuals originally of a relationship, and is designed to focus on the pink flags which may be missed or misinterpreted as acceptable behaviour.

Learn Extra


Matthew Barber, deputy Thames Valley Police and Crime Commissioner stated: “The affect of coercive and controlling relationships on victims may be damaging and long run; affecting their well being, wellbeing and future relationships.

“Controlling, manipulative and bullying behaviours will not be current in wholesome relationships. 

“These behaviours can escalate so it’s essential that we proceed to boost consciousness of those pink flags to assist individuals recognise them and the place essential search help.”

WATCH: Spot the indicators of home abuse

Video Loading

Video Unavailable

Click on to play
Faucet to play

The video will begin in eightCancel

Play now

Nazia Ahmed, Victims First Officer, stated: “Since our ‘Know This Isn’t Love’ marketing campaign, we’ve supported many individuals who’ve contacted us about abuse of their relationship. 

“We’ve listened to their wants and offered emotional and sensible help to assist them to maneuver ahead with their lives.”

Anybody who feels the behaviour they’re going through of their relationship is ought to name Victims First on 0300 1234 148.

Learn Extra

Berkshire crime

The place to get assist

For recommendation about  home abuse from Thames Valley Police, together with help helplines, click on right here .

BWA (Berkshire Women’s Support) primarily based in Studying, Berkshire, presents help and recommendation to  victims of home abuse log on right here  or name the BWA Helpline on 0118 950 4003. The helpline is open between 9am and 5pm on weekdays, and 24-hour assist can also be accessible in emergencies utilizing the identical quantity.

Or contact the 24-hour  Nationwide Home Violence Freephone Helpline  on 0808 2000 247.

Learn Extra


Liz Mackley is a senior reporter working for Berkshire Stay.

You possibly can comply with all her newest tales on social media and the BerkshireLive web site:

You can even name her on 0118 918 3021 or e mail her on elizabeth.mackley@reachplc.com





Reply your comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked*


Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)